julie davila

Life can make it easy to displace your core needs in favor of someone else's needs.

Your core needs should always come first.

You core need for:

  • Mental and Physical Health
  • Friends and Family
  • Authenticity

If the cost of keeping a job, a friend, a partner, a lifestyle, comes at the expense of a core need, you'll almost always end up regretting it.

Core needs are also cross-dependent.

If you're inauthentic, your relationships and mental health suffer.

If your mental health is on the decline, your relationships and capacity to be authentic suffer.

If you disregard personal relationships with friends and family, you'll find yourself in worse health and with a reduced capacity to be authentic.

Thank you for taking the time to read what I've written. It means a lot to me. If you want to reach me, there are a few options If you care to be notified whenever I write something new, I encourage you to subscribe.

There are people who state they are blunt, or that they're “just being honest”. Frequently, this a cover for cruel behavior; I know this, because I was once this way.

It's entirely possible to be honest, straightforward, even blunt, while also being kind. This is the way to keep meaningful friendships, to keep love.

“You idea doesn't make any sense, why did you think this would feasible? What were you thinking?”

versus

“I don't fully understand your idea. Could you walk me through it? There might be a better way, but I want to make sure I get where you are coming from first.”

Both are honest and straightforward, but only the latter is likely to provide a good outcome for both individuals.

Be honest. Be straightforward. Cruelty isn't necessary.

Thank you for taking the time to read what I've written. It means a lot to me. If you want to reach me, there are a few options If you care to be notified whenever I write something new, I encourage you to subscribe.

It's possible to be high-performing and entitled.

It's tricky when these high performers work for your team because it's easy to become dependent on them.

Signs of entitlement:

  • They don't tell you when they're going to take time off, or for how long unless you hound them
  • They tell you they'll do something today, or tomorrow and then don't
  • They get bothered with structure
  • They are hesitant to commit to deadlines
  • They are hard to reach in general
  • They don't ever disclose or share that they work for your organization

This impacts culture. It's not worth it.

-J

Thank you for taking the time to read what I've written. It means a lot to me. If you want to reach me, there are a few options If you care to be notified whenever I write something new, I encourage you to subscribe.

Bad moments make good moments amazing.

Bad moments make amazing moments heavenly.

The only reason good can exist is because bad exists.

Isn't food wonderful when you feel starved?

Isn't water better when your mouth is at its driest?

If could never have terrible moments, neither could we have amazing moments.

When things are bad, I like to imagine that it's just fuel for a future good thing.

Bad things give me better good things. I am thankful.

-J

Thank you for taking the time to read what I've written. It means a lot to me. If you want to reach me, there are a few options If you care to be notified whenever I write something new, I encourage you to subscribe.

We entered a furniture store today, eventually a salesperson interacted with us.

She asked what we were looking for. A simple, low-cost sofa.

She then points directly in front of us, “Did you look at this one?”

...it's right in front of us...of course we saw it.

A better alternative

  • What room will this be for? A bedroom, living room, something else?
  • Do you have a preferred style such as modern, classic, maybe mid-century?
  • How firm do you like your cushions?

When selling, it's crucial to get at the problem your potential customers are trying to solve. This requires asking the right questions and listening.

A salesperson should there to help, not to serve as a human catalog to serve up information by rote and finger pointing.

When you sell

When you are trying to convince others of anything, you are selling. The same rules apply, understand their needs, desires, and pain points well and you'll be able to convince with a greater degree of success.

-J

Thank you for taking the time to read what I've written. It means a lot to me. If you want to reach me, there are a few options If you care to be notified whenever I write something new, I encourage you to subscribe.

Almost all of us want:

  • Happiness
  • To feel love (not necessarily romantic)
  • To not feel lonely
  • Health
  • Shelter
  • Peace

When I meet someone for the first time, I can sometimes forget that they probably want these things too.

It's easier to be sympathetic when we remember this.

-J

Thank you for taking the time to read what I've written. It means a lot to me. If you want to reach me, there are a few options If you care to be notified whenever I write something new, I encourage you to subscribe.

There are times, especially as an engineer that you are 100% correct, or at the very least, your plan is objectively better than the plan of someone else. It is in these moments that our true capacity for empathy is tested.

The thing is, engineers are not immune to forming irrational opinions, thoughts, desires, or code. If we can presume that the vast majority of professionals have positive intent when offering up their ideas and solutions, we can then, at the very least, safely assume the following:

  1. They believe they fully understand the problem, or at least to a sufficient degree in order to have an opinion.
  2. The solution they propose they believe (regardless of rationality) to be a viable one, perhaps even the best one.
  3. They are concerned that whatever idea they've proposed may turn out to be a failure once implemented.
  4. They want to be an effective member of the team, and want to see the project succeed.

As an individual contributor or people manager, it is important to keep the above in mind. When someone presents a view that you genuinely believe to be either inferior or even completely irrational, do not react with <insert negative emotion>. Instead, even for a moment, try to see what they see. Internalize the things they must believe in order for them to believe that their conclusions are viable, correct, and/or proper.

And then, once you've got the gist of where they are coming from, have a conversation. Become intentionally curious. Ask them to map it out so that you can better learn why they came up with their solution, so you can learn.

The tough part: do not correct their logic, their method, or anything at all, don't even complete trains of thought, literally just listen through completion. It's incredibly difficult, but you will find a solid payoff over time. And when they do finish their explanation, attempt to give feedback exclusively through the use of non-leading questions. In some situations, they will find their flaws, in others, you will discover that perhaps you were the one that was seeing things incorrectly.

Even if you're right, listening with empathy to those might be wrong will make everyone better.

Thank you for taking the time to read what I've written. It means a lot to me. If you want to reach me, there are a few options If you care to be notified whenever I write something new, I encourage you to subscribe.

I’m in the process of brainstorming and writing some job reqs for a team I’ll possibly start building early next year and it got me thinking about personalities…

There is a common pattern in technical #recruiting that I have observed, both as the one being recruited, and as the one doing the recruiting which doesn’t seem to get much attention. This is the habit of whipping up recruiting copy, job ads, and other ‘come-work-for-us’ mediums with a sort of elitist element, one that searches for the “The Rockstar”.

This is a real job-ad example of what I am talking about:

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The Technical Competence Spiral states this:

An organization’s continuing ability to hire and retain senior, competent, technical leadership for each of its IT domains, dictates its ability to continue a competitive technical competence.

Let’s break it down.

An organization’s continuing ability to hire and retain senior, competent, technical leadership for each of its IT domains…

The simple truth is that it’s difficult to hire an individual who is considered a subject matter expert (SME)

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I preface this article by saying I am not a recruiter nor have ever been and that 'Top' isn't necessarily implying senior in terms of time in tech. For example, I am a strong believer that there are people who have been in tech less than 5 years who are of a higher caliber than engineers

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